For Peanut

Valentine's Day is an insidious holiday, even when you're conveniently partnered up with somebody as Feb 14 comes rolling around. Unrealistically heightened expectations of romance (= effort and $$$) and the unsolicited pity doled out to single people make me wonder if the transitory boost in flower and chocolate sales are worth the trouble. I've long held this cynicism, whether in or out of a relationship.

However, there is one love that is truly unconditional and eternal: my affection and empathy for animals, especially those who have been a part of my family. If I'm going to honor anyone on St. Valentine's Day, it should be them.

Feb 5 was the fourth anniversary of Peanut's death. Peanut was my first feline roommate. He graced me with his presence in the second half of his 16 years of life. A family had given him up for adoption at 8-years old, citing "allergies" as the reason. This was a cruel sentence, since older cats have very little chance of being adopted -- everybody squeals for kittens who steal the spotlight at every adoption event. However, I wanted an older cat as my first pet. They're house-trained, more mellow and mature, and less apt to get into silly mishaps. The day I brought Peanut home was one of the happiest days of my life. It was the culmination of a lifetime of pining for a pet.

Peanut was an old soul. He was extremely patient and giving towards everybody, including the new cats who came into our lives. Although his day-to-day routine was relatively free of drama, he would often let out a heavy sigh at the end of a day, as if to let me know he was carrying the burdens of the world. He loved to burrow under blankets and often stuck his head in my armpit or the crook of my arm at night. Peanut was also a gentleman: he never stepped on me or jumped onto tables or counter tops, unlike the other cats who have come into my care. He's the only cat I've met who spent a lot of time in front of mirrors: he was often seen admiring his reflection, turning his head this way and that to see himself at different angles. Every night, he would conduct lengthy monologues in front of a mirror, waking me up with his peculiar chatter. He exhibited an intense fear of rolled up newspapers, which led me to believe he may have been mistreated by his previous family.

It was 4:10am when the vet called me to hurry to the emergency clinic. Peanut had been in hospital for over a week, having endured two operations in an attempt to alleviate an intestinal blockage. Sadly, his body couldn't handle any more and was giving up: his kidneys started shutting down, he developed pancreatitis, his lungs began filling up with fluids and his digestive tract was painfully blocked. He had been lethargic, but suddenly got up with a gasp, widened his eyes and started pacing his cage. It was an alarming spike in pain, one that signified that he was near the end.

I'm glad I was given the opportunity to say goodbye on our own terms. But making the decision to let him go was, without a doubt, the most agonizing choice I ever had to make. I spoke to him and petted him softly as he went, hoping that his last moments were comfortable and peaceful.

Peanut's favorite foods were fish (especially tuna and salmon), cheese and peanut butter (I made this discovery long after naming him). I thought I should commemorate him with a recipe devised in his honor. First, I created a cat template by cutting some styrofoam -- the styrofoam trays that groceries use to pack meat and vegetables are great for this. I rolled out some puff pastry and traced out the cat shape twice. A round hole was cut out of the second piece. The pastry pieces were brushed with egg white and the piece with the hole was placed on top of the other. When the pastry puffed up in the oven (425°F for 15-20 min), it did so with a nice round indentation in the middle, which I scooped out to make the indentation even deeper.

I baked a salmon fillet in the oven until cooked through. I flaked the flesh then tossed it with grated cheese while still warm, to melt the cheese just a little. I chose marbled cheddar because Peanut was an orange/beige tabby. Then a few fronds of dill were mixed in for color. The mixture was spooned into the centre of the pastry.

My current feline roommates begged for me to share. I gave them some of the salmon and the cheese, hoping Peanut would be pleased with it as well.